2 + 2 = 5 (for extremely large values of 2)
AAAAA (American Association Against Acronym Abuse)
(A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened...
Access denied - nah nah na nah nah!
An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANCI.
Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay...
Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers. (Leonard Brandwein)
Beware of geeks bearing gifs.
Blessed are the pessimists, for they make backups!
Blessed is the end-user who expects nothing, for he shall not be disappointed.
The box said, "Requires Windows 98 or better" so I installed Linux.
BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
Bugs come in through open Windows.
Buy a Pentium so you can reboot faster.
C combines the flexibility and power of assembly language with the user-friendliness of assembly language.
C: is the root of all directories.
C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
Calm down. It's only ones and zeros.
Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
COFFEE.EXE not found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)all asleep
Coffee sweetened with NO-DOZ...Programmers' fuel
COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer.
Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space.
Computer programmers don't byte - but they nybble a bit.
Computer programmers know how to use their hardware.
Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.
Computers are God's way of telling you that you're not confused enough.
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
Computers can never replace human stupidity.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
Document my code??? Why do you think they call it 'code'?
Doing linear scans over an associative array is like trying to club someone to death with a loaded Uzi. (Larry Wall)
Don't anthropomorphize computers--they hate that.
Don't byte off more than you can view.
Double your drive space--delete Windows
The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
Ethernet : something used to catch the etherbunny.
Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with the software.
FATAL SYSTEM ERROR: Press F13 to continue...
Fax is stranger than fiction.
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Friends don't let Friends use Windows.
The geek shall inherit the earth.
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance. (Robert R. Coveyou)
Give a man a program, frustrate him for a day.
Teach a man to program, frustrate him for a lifetime.
Great groups from little icons grow.
Hold a hard drive to your ear--listen to the C:
How many computer programmers would it take to change a light bulb?
None--that's a hardware problem.
I can't resist an ohm.
I hit the Control key but I'm still not in control!
I keep hitting 'escape,' but I'm still here.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. (IBM Chairman Thomas Watson, 1943)
I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.
If at first you don't succeed call it Version 1.0.
If at first you don't succeed, reboot.
If God had intended Man to program, we would be born with serial I/O ports.
If it draws blood, it's hardware.
If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing
If you touch any key, our software will lock up. Call us and we'll blame it on Microsoft. (Scott Adams)
It said "Insert disk #3", but only two will fit!
Implementing systems is 95 percent boredom and 5 percent sheer terror.
Life would be easier if I had the source code.
Linux - for IQ's greater than 98.
The Linux philosophy is 'Laugh in the face of danger'. Oops. Wrong One. 'Do it yourself'. Yes, that's it. (Linus Torvalds)
MacIntosh computers are made by geniuses for idiots; IBM computers are made by idiots for geniuses.
Man v1.0, Woman v1.1
Managing senior programmers is like herding cats. (Dave Platt)
May the Source Code be with you.
Microsoft isn't evil, they just make really crappy operating systems. (Linus Torvalds, creator of Linux)
My friend, the computer nerd, has had so many viruses he now has a persistent hacking cough!
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
ASCII and you shall receive.
ROM wasn't built in a day.
Byte the bullet.
Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.
Old programmers never die. They just can't C as well.
Old programmers never die. They just lose their memory.
Old programmers never die. They just terminate and stay resident.
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.
Press any key...no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
Real programmers don't document...If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
Real programs don't eat cache.
RUNTIME ERROR 6D at 417A: 32CF: Incompetent user
640K ought to be enough for anybody. (Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates, 1981)
SELECT*FROM users WHERE clue=TRUE;
no rows returned
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
Someday, the people who know how to use computers will rule over those who don't. And there will be a special name for them...webmistresses. (Scott Adams)
There are ten types of people in the world...those who understand binary and those who don't.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. (DEC Chairman Ken Olson, 1977)
There's no place like 127.0.0.1
This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."
This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
Those whom the gods would destroy, they first teach BASIC.
To become one with your computer is to reach a state of nerdvana. (Scott Adams)
To iterate is human, to recurse divine.
To "shut down" your system, type "WIN."
Virtual Reality is its own reward.
What boots up must come down.
What's the difference between a Macintosh and an etch-a-sketch?
You don't have to shake the Mac to clear the screen.
When all else fails, manipulate the data.
Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs thirty tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vacuum tubes and perhaps weigh 1-1/2 tons. (Popular Mechanics, 1949)
Who's General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
Will code for food.
Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
A yer ago I kudnt spel progremr now I are won.
You can't teach an old mouse new clicks.
Pete, these are not pics.How to Please Your IT Department
When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.
When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.
When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.
When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.
When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.
Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.
When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.
When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.
When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.
When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least twenty times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.
When the printer still won't print after twenty tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.
Don't learn the proper term for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "My thingy blew up".
Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.